Did you hear the one about the..........

[Spud395]

I was telling this healthy looking girl, in the pub the other day, about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her tits.

" Really?! " she said, " Go on then ..... Try it on me! "


After about thirty seconds of me feeling my way around she began to lose patience and said:

" Come on then; what day was I born?! "

I grinned, smugly, and said: " Yesterday, love. Yesterday ..... "

[Ciderhead]

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?"

The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs. In her twenties, a woman's are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions."

"Onions?"

"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of "willies" are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well, dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."
"A Christmas tree?"

"Yes. The tree is dead, and the balls are just for decoration."


ba dump dump chshshshshshshsh
Try the veal I'm here all week

[JimmyM]

Courtesy of my 9 year old nephew....
Why did the egg get arrested? His yolk was hangin out.

[LordEoin]

Why do women wear makeup and perfume?
'Cos they're ugly and smell!