The joke thread.

[Ciderhead]

[DEMPSEY]

In a chemist the other day saw different packets of condoms and so ask why,the pack of 3 was for teenagers for Friday,Saturday and Sunday. The pack of 7 was for College Students Monday,Tuesday,Wednesday,Thursday,Friday,Saturday and Sunday. The pack of 12 was for married couples,January,February.....

[Andrew]

A young American Indian ran into his father and asked "Father, how are we named?"

His father looked down at him and said "When a child is born, the father leaves the teepee and the first thing that he sees will form the name of the child. That is why your brother is called 'Shooting Star' and your sister is called 'Deer in the Morning'"

He paused to let this sink in and then queried: "Why do you ask 'Two Dogs Fucking'?"

[Eoin]

I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile.

The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box !

[irish_goat]

Anyone brave enough?

[DEMPSEY]

3 men discussing sex in a bar, first one say's he likes to do it missionary style,the second one say's he likes to do it doggy style and the third one say's he likes to do it rodeo style. The first two ask what's rodeo style. Its the same as doggy style only you tell her her sister is better at this.

[JimmyM]

you always roll that one out

I'll rob one on brendan o carrol (i think)

Fella at a disco says to a girl, "any chance of a ride?" she says "im on my menstral cycle" to which he replies "thats no problem, ive got the van outside it'll fit in the back"

Its spiralling out of control here - roy chubby brown will be quoted next - Dempsey loves a bit of blue.

[Eoin]

Chubby Brown is not a comedian. Worst shite ever.

Sent using a complex system of semaphore and ninjas.

[DEMPSEY]

Yeah well he did once comment on his brother in law's car once. "My brother in law drives a Ford clitirois the kind of car every c*^t has

[UpsidedownA (Andrew)]

A guy loses his wife somewhere in a big supermarket. He wanders round and sees another guy looking similarly helpless, bereft, wondering what to do. "What's up?" 'I can't find my wife' "Me too. What does she look like?" 'Ok, ah, she's about six foot, blond, quite athletic. She's wearing a mini skirt and tank top. What does your wife look like?'
"Forget about her, let's look for yours."

[Weiss]

"Knock, knock"

"Who's there?"

"9/11"

"9/11 who?"

"Thought you'd said you'd never forget!"

[Eoin]

Little Johnnie missed a day at school, comes in next day teacher asks where he was. He says "me da got burnt" teacher says "oh my, I do hope it's nothing serious". Johnnie replies "well they don't Fuck around at the crematorium miss".

TT

[marzen scorsese]

What's black and white, black and white, black and white? A penguin rolling down a hill.

[Danny(00833827)]

[Eoin]

Sometimes, to impress girls, I use big words I don't understand, in an effort to sound more photosynthesis.

Sent from my HTC One