The joke thread.

[Will_D]

I remeber from an old Diageo Annual report that they owned Pilsbury!

Do they still? Should I offload my shares?

[HomeBrewWest]

"You seem to periodically have a fungus problem up at the top of your house."

"That's OK, it's just a spore-attic problem."

Groan. I hope it doesn't grow on me!

[Eoin]

"You seem to periodically have a fungus problem up at the top of your house."

"That's OK, it's just a spore-attic problem."

Groan. I hope it doesn't grow on me!

It might do, cos you're a "fun gi"

[Bazza]

It might do, cos you're a "fun gi"

Yeah; they broke the 'mold' when they made you   (shit, there might be a 'u' in there, can't think straight. Damn vowel dropping Yanks)

Speaking of attics, we keep dumping stuff in our attic to the point where there's not 'mush-room' left for anything more.

-Barry

P.s. A mushroom is a type of fungi, I think.

[Eoin]

Ok stop, jokes.....

[johnrm]

Two lads head to confession.
The first lad goes in and confesses that he was with a loose woman.

Priest asks 'Was it Mary from the pub?'
'No.'
'Nuala in the shop?'
'No.'
'Betty from the petrol station?'
'No.'
'Bless you son, one Our Father and two Hail Marys'
Lad leaves confessional.

Second lad 'How did you get on?'
'One Our Father and two Hail Marys, but I have three good leads!'

[DEMPSEY]

Cardinal Cathal Daly,Cardinal Robin Eames,Doctor Ian Paisley and a school boy were on a flight home to Belfast when the pilot announced that they did not have enough fuel and will crash. He then said that there were 3 parachutes at the back of the plane. Immediately the 4 went to the back and Robin Eames put one on because he was an important person and jumped out of the plane. Paisley and Daly starred at each other until Daly said to paisley "here you take one because you are an important person too" and he helped to put it on and so Paisley jumped out of the plane. Next thing the school boy started to cry "I am not an important person" but Daly said "sure no bother put this parachute on and I will use this one"
"but there was only 3 parachutes" said the school boy,"yes but I gave Paisley your school bag".

[Ciderhead]

And finally I thought she was coming around when for Valentines day I was bought a copy of





Which was great until she also presented me with 24 1/2 crates of the beers from the book.

[Will_D]

Q: What do you call a Corkman, dressed in a monkey suit, planting hop plants in the local park at the dead of night?

A: A Gorilla Gardner!

[DEMPSEY]

Someone stole a pair of the wife's knickers off the clothes line. That was bad enough but they took the 9 clothes pegs as well.

[Weiss]

Quizmaster: How many feet in a yard?

Fred West: 36.

[DEMPSEY]

I asked my Welsh mate how many girlfriends he'd had. He started counting and fell asleep.

[Will_D]

I asked my Welsh mate how many girlfriends he'd had. He started counting and fell asleep.

I love it!

Best joke of the new St Davids Day Milenium!

When I first went back to rural South Wales and told all the farmers (of sheep) what the city lads up North (Salford) said about Welsmen/Sheep and Wellies I kid you not:

There were a few pensive looks and mumbles in english/Welsh along the lines of "Hmm not a bad idea that"

[Will_D]

Jaysus I first heard that in a playground in about 1958!

Also their scottish cousins

"Ben Doon and PhilupMc(a)Cavity"

[imark]

What happens if they get married?