The joke thread.

[DEMPSEY]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7Y0I91rubg

[Garry]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ub3Cm0V_Z8w

[DEMPSEY]

Beer contains female hormones

Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. 
Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:

1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional.
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally.
8.) Had to sit down while urinating.

No further testing was considered necessary.

[lampie]

[Eoin]

I collected stamps for a brief period when I was a teenager. I gave it up though. I thought to myself "philately'll get you nowhere".

[DEMPSEY]

Is it true that wedding cake is one of the most harmful foods a man could eat

[lampie]

http://youtu.be/7g0AJPqKybs

[Bzfeale80]

http://www.phdcomics.com/comics/archive/phd061110s.gif

[Bzfeale80]

http://tapastic.com/episode/12132

[DEMPSEY]

A man walks into a cocktail lounge and approaches an attractive woman sitting by herself and asks,
"May I buy you a cocktail?"
"No thank you," she replies, "alcohol is bad for my legs."
"Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"
"No, they spread."

[Will_D]

So:

An actractive lady is walking past the local corners shop when she spots a sign in the window:

Special Offer Today:

"Pussy Licking Frog Available Here - Free Free Free!"

So into the shop she goes. Up to the counter and says to 'yer man:

"I am asking about the pussy licking frog?"

He replies:







"Bonjour Madamme ...."

[DEMPSEY]

Ebola cases are being  fed a strict diet of pizza flapjacks and flatbreads. It will not cure them its just all they can get under the door.

[Will_D]

listen-up:

"If they legalise abortion in Ireland there will probably be a 9 month waiting list"

[DEMPSEY]

A doctor rushed into the ward and shouted that we have a case of Ebola in the hospital, great said the nurse I getting a bit sick of lucozade.

[irish_goat]

Right, which one of you'se has opened a shop??